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The 5 types of coffee drinkers

Coffee – you hate it or you love it. And sometimes you don’t care and drink it anyway. It’s a big staple in many, many people’s lives and also a quite central part of culture. And especially as a student caffeine becomes pretty important after a while, and whenever you go to catch up with friends you’ll sit in a café anyway. But coffee being such a big part of life obviously also means that there’s clear distinctions and stereotypes of coffee drinkers. Here they are, brought to you by a barista who knows what she’s talking about.

1. The caramel decaf latte with skinny milk

Every barista’s nightmare. The sort of person that probably has some attention craving problem, and let’s it out whenever they order anything. If the order isn’t at least 5 words long, it’s not good enough and will under no circumstances be ordered at all. Mix all the fancy flavours, sugar substitutes, and maybe even milk alternatives together and you will become their hero. The more the better. It’s (obviously) not even about the coffee itself anymore, it’s probably just to make a statement.

coffee one

2. The snobby filter kid

The coffee connoisseur, who won’t accept anything that isn’t the best of the best. They study the differences of coffee beans for fun, because coffee truly is life. Anything that’s not good filter coffee won’t even be looked at. If they could, they would just live in a café and no matter which part of the world they’re going to, they will always know where to find those artsy specialty cafés. Don’t ever ask them about anything coffee related, because they probably have a powerpoint and at least one hour presentation ready for you on the spot. Better not mention your own coffee preference in their presence either (especially not if you are falling into the previous category) because there’s a sliiiiight chance they will get mad at you and tell you you’re doing it all wrong.

coffee filter

3. The 17 large Americanos a day

This is the ultimate coffee addict. Without at least 3 coffees a day, there’s no chance you will even see them outside of their home. They drink coffee for every meal and at any time of the day. Without coffee, they are unable to function at all. Do they enjoy drinking coffee or are able to tell any sort of difference between different blends, brands and tastes? Probably not. They are just so used to coffee that they are absolutely addicted to it, and would drink it even if it tasted like absolute shit. Is there some sort of coffee rehab program around btw?

coffee heart

4. The super stressed student

What essentially everybody turns into during exam period. That type of student that doesn’t really drink coffee much on regular days, but when it comes to being productive, coffee is needed, and in huge amounts. It doesn’t matter what it tastes like and what is in it, as long as it’s coffee it’s good enough. Or actually, as long as it contains caffeine it’s good enough. They might become addicted to energy drinks after a while instead, but then at least they can proudly tell everybody that they don’t need coffee to study anymore.

coffee student

5. The good old regular cappuccino orderer

Just the average, regular coffee drinker. The one that actually kinda likes coffee, but doesn’t completely depend on it, but also doesn’t really know big differences in taste either. They won’t say no to a coffee if you offer them one, but they don’t necessarily need it to stay alive. But at the same time, they might see themselves as better than other because they aren’t addicted to caffeine. Don’t try talking them into trying something new either, they’ll just stick to what they know, and that’s some good old cappuccino.

coffee last

Of course, these are just some stereotpyes, and aren’t meant to offend anybody. There’s of course also other types of coffee drinkers, like the ones that only drink it occassionally or the ones that never do. Which types did we miss, and which one are you?

Written by Phoebe Janssen – Culture Committee & Marie Dorner – PR Committee